there is no returning now

i was never interested in writing letters, the same way i was never really a fan of communication. communication was functional. and that was that. 

***

 in due time, i will be writing more coherent blog entries. i promised that to myself. i'm thinking about oving to a new blogsite

 

anyway...

 ***

dear donna,

 

it's nice to see you again. where have you been? you disappered oh so suddenly and i thought you'd never be back. thank goodness i heard from you again. i was getting so worried about you.

 ***

 you people probably think i'm nuts. well, i've never been so clear in years.

 

SEE you around.

 

little_soyster: oh well
little_soyster:
halohalospecial:
halohalospecial: nakakatawa kagabi... dba kulang ako sa tulog... e magbabasketball kmi... sabi ko: mamamatay na ako... tapos nilipat nung kaibigan ko yung channel ng tv...natiyempo sa Kazaam... sabi ni Shaq: "you will not die"... hehe wala lng
halohalospecial:

sabi ng test ako daw ay ganito:

 

Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.. Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun. Extraversion results were medium which suggests you average somewhere in between being assertive and social and being withdrawn and solitary.

trait snapshot:

sa tuwing magsusulat ako sa blog ko, puro reklamo lang ang nilalagay ko. kungdi reklamo, lyrics ng kanta. wala kayong makikitang detalye ng buhay ko, at lalong hindi niyo malalaman ang mga pinagsasasabi ko.

hindi kasi ako makuwento tungkol sa sarili ko.

ano na nga ba ang nangyayari sa'kin? ngayon, magkukuwento ako. huwag niyo lang asahan na ibibigay ko ang lahat ng detalye.

ako ay 20 taong gulang, estudyante sa la salle-manila. kumukuha ng ab-phm. sa loob ng ilang buwan, kung papalarin ako, gragraduate na ako.

patnugot ako ng prosa sa malate lit folio, s.a. ako ng isang propesor, at empleyado ako ng onbooks publishing. ako rin ang nagbabantay sa iniwang negosyo ng aking mga magulang.

dalawa lang ang kinukuha kong subject ngayon. alge101 at inthphil. sisinusulat ko na rin ang thesis ko kahit hindi ako naka-enrol sa thesis subject.

sa libreng oras ko, nagtratrabaho ako bilang textbook writer at english tutor. nagsusulat din ako ng mga kuwento at nagtuturo ng prosa sa staff ng literary folio.

umuuwi ako sa cavite tuwing friday, pagkagaling ko sa opisina. bumabalik ako sa maynila bago maglunes.

hindi ako madaling mapagod. mabuti na lang hindi ako madali mapagod

i'm just so tired right now. i don't think i've been working too hard. it's just that people demand too much from me. i'm only one person, and i can't do EVERYTHING they want me to do.

 i  hate being blamed for things i'm not supposed to shoulder.  they all say "it's your fault, hindi mo naman inaasikaso" when i do everything  i can to patch things up. and i do it alone, too. other people just nag me, and they consider that their contribution. it's their job, they say.

 what am i here for anyway?

it's not like i'm being irresponsible. it's not like i'm wasting time. it's not like i don't care. i hate it when they make me feel that they think i don't care. when they think i'm irresponsible. i shouldn't be thinking about these people, but hey... they should be the ones supporting me. well... if their brand of motivation is emotional and mental cruelty, then great--- they're doing a GREAT job of stressing me out. i wish i could just toss everything out the window, but i'm not like that.

i hate being everybody's escape goat.

 

the goat wants to escape and just chew on twigs and grass.

people talk to me about buying. buying shoes. buying houses. buying a bus. buying clothes. buying jewelry. buying whatever. buying. spending. buying.

Alright

We are young, we run green
Keep our teeth nice and clean
See out friends, see the sights
Feel alright!
We wake up, we go out
Smoke a fag, put it out
See out friends, see the sights
Feel alright!
Are we like you?
I can't be sure
After seeing as she turns
We are strange in our worlds
But we are young
We get by
Can't go mad, 'aint got time
Sleep around if we like
But we're all right
Got some cash, bought some wheels
Took it out, 'cross some fields
Lost control, hit a wall
But we're alright
Are we like you?
I can't be sure
On the scene as she turns
We are strange in our worlds
But we are young, we've gone green
We've got teeth nice and clean
See out friends, see the sights
Feel alright!
Are we like you?
I can't be sure
On the scene as she turns
We are strange in our worlds
But we are young, we've gone green
We've got teeth nice and clean
See out friends, see the sights
Feel alright!

 

***

 

i was excited about christmas a few weeks back, but that feeling has dissipated somehow. this has got something to do with the many errands i will have to do during the holidays. i can hear a voice inside my head saying: " hey kid! take a goddamn break!"

***

i would like to spend the holidays with the people i love most. just thinking about not being with them makes me want to (insert verb here). oh well.

***

i promise to do stuff this january. here's my "to do list"

1. pass algebra

2. keep my job (if my thesis allows me to)

3. write my thesis (if my job allows me to)

4. lose weight (i need to get rid of roughly 7 pounds)

5. write another story

6. quit smoking---entirely

7. cut down on sweets

8. be more responsible

9. sort out my clothes

10. be better in general

Pick an artist and answer the following questions using titles of their songs.

The Beatles

[1] Are you male or female? lucy in the sky with diamonds

 [2] Describe yourself? fool on the hill

[3] How do you feel about yourself? help!

[4] Describe what you are thinking right now? the long and winding road

[5] Describe your current boyfriend? across the universe

[6] Describe where you currently live? Penny Lane

[7] If you could go anywhere, where would you go? the yellow submarine

[8] Your best friend is? Here, There, Everywhere

[9] What would you ask for if you had just one wish? Ticket To Ride

 [10] You know that: i have a rubber soul

[11] What's the weather like? Strawberry Fields Forever

[12] If your life was a television show, what would it be called? sgt. pepper and the lonely hearts club

[13] What is life to you? paper back writer

[14] What is the best advice you have to give? imagine

 [15] If you could change your name, what would you change it to? strawberry fields

what i miss the most right now is my old routine. there wasn't much in there, but it was my life:

1.) getting pissed off by legal matters

2.) being pestered by tenants

3.) visiting grand parents (getting yelled at for whatever reason. they're avid fans of melodrama, so there...)

4.) eating street food with my cousins

5.) malling alone

6.)looking at lights (sunlight, light bulbs, whatever.)

7.) reading on the floor

 

boring, huh?

it wasn't enough of a life, but it was a life...at least i think so.

 

i'm being like this today beacuse i'm in dire need of sleep.